Community Building in the Washington, DC area!!

SFP Editor: What was your writing process? Paul Stankus: The entire book Hapless Papa was composed on my daily commute on DC's metro train (Red Line). Then, late at night after everyone went to bed (when I was still on duty for the waking of the slumbering infant) I would revise and polish. The reason the stories are all one or two pages, is because that's about all you can write in a 45 minute train ride. I designed the book so that you could randomly open it to any page and have a complete story on that page, or at most, by turning a single page.

SFP Editor: What about the book would other parents find helpful?

Paul Stankus: In spite of how alone and confused all first time parents feel, that it is important to know that we've all been through the anxiety and ineptitude and lived to tell the tale. One of the reasons that children can't remember their first two years is it's nature's way of making sure that kids can't hold their parent's bumbling against them during those sleepless days and nights.

SFP Editor: What challenges did you encounter writing the book?

Paul Stankus: Writing the stories was the easy part as they flowed naturally. Preparing the book for publication was excruciating. By the time I put the pen down, I had written over 15 full drafts -- 7 before submission to the Publisher, and 8 after the Publisher accepted it. When you start questioning nearly every word on the page, you know it's time to move on to new projects. I also found myself getting caught in the "author's catch-22"-- where an author needs an agent to get the attention of a publisher, and needs to be published to get the attention of an agent. (Now that the book is getting published, my next big challenge will be finding an agent to represent me.)

SFP Editor: What was your writing process?

Paul Stankus: The entire book Hapless Papa was composed on my daily commute on DC's metro train (Red Line). Then, late at night after everyone went to bed (when I was still on duty for the waking of the slumbering infant) I would revise and polish. The reason the stories are all one or two pages, is because that's about all you can write in a 45 minute train ride. I designed the book so that you could randomly open it to any page and have a complete story on that page, or at most, by turning a single page.

SFP Editor: What about writing the book have you found the most rewarding?

Paul Stankus: I enjoy re-reading the stories I wrote so I can visualize the events in my mind as they transpired and remember what I was feeling at the time. I also enjoy watching people read a random passage and try to stiffle a chuckle -- as if they want to laugh out loud, but find it socially unacceptable to do so.

SFP Editor: What does your son think about the book?

Paul Stankus: About once a week, he asks me to read him his "Alex stories." Of course, getting a three-year old to listen for more than five minutes is another matter all together. Last week, he told me he was going to read me the stories himself-- and started off by saying "If you don't pay attention, I'm not reading to you."

SFP Editor: What surprised you the most about becoming a parent?

Paul Stankus: In spite of how many classes we attended, how many books we read, and how many discussions we had about raising a child, I had absolutely no clue how to care for a newborn. Once he arrived, I was astounded at how quickly what I considered my previously well-balanced life was upended, and how little the things that I thought mattered, actually do.

SFP Editor: What tips on parenting can you offer?

Paul Stankus: Things happen-- and that the only way a toddler can explore and discover how a liquid gurgles when it comes out of the milk jug is by knocking it over. Don't make a big deal about the messes, just clean them up. Kids make mental notes when you over-react, and later when they want to get a reaction from you, they'll do it intentionally to see how far they can push you. It gives them an element of control in their world that always seems out of their control. Talk *TO* children not *AT* them. They're more perceptive and understand a lot more than we give them credit. Tell them that you love them every day, even though they just finished finger painting a mural in your stairwell or spraying the kitchen with the extendable sink hose.

SFP Editor: What have you learned the most from your son?

Paul Stankus: Patience and humility. Just when you thought you figured everything out, children will change the rules on you, and suddenly you're flailing about trying to make sense of it all again. I've also learned that even the events from your toughest day falls by the wayside when your son runs into your arms and gives you a big hug.

SFP Editor: Will there be a follow up to this book?

Paul Stankus: Every day (well at least every day I can find a seat) I continue to write new stories on my daily train commute. The first Hapless Papa book covered 0-2 years. I expect the second to cover years 2-4. Over the next few weeks, I will be posting the stories one a day on my blog (shameless self -promotion plug alert) www.haplesspapa.blogspot.com starting with the older stories and continuing to the present day.